How Far Am I Willing to Go and What Do I Have to Lose?

I recently learned a principle used in some addiction recovery programs that I think everyone can apply. It involves three questions:

1. What do I want?
2. What am I willing to do?
3. How far am I willing to go?

In addiction recovery, the answers to "What do I want?" may be:

• "To stop drinking"
• "To quit smoking"
• "To stop viewing porn"

and the answer to "What am I willing to do?" may be:

• "Hang out with different friends"
• "Go to bed early"
• "Replace my cigarettes with candy"
• "Attend an addiction recovery program"
• "Cancel my internet subscription"

The third question, "How far am I willing to go?" is about determination. What are you willing to do if your answer to the second question doesn't work? It could be rephrased, "How badly do I want it?"

This process is all about making a goal, creating a plan, determining the level of motivation, and then creating backup plans. This same process can apply to other goals. Some different answers to the first question might be:

• "To lose weight"
• "To become a writer"
• "To improve my relationship with my spouse"

These three questions are powerful, but I also propose that a fourth question may make them more powerful for some:

4. What do I have to lose?

On my mission in Brazil we would often try to help people break addictions (normally smoking). One technique we tried was to have the person create a list of reasons to continue and reasons to stop the addiction. Most of the reasons to continue were things like, "smoking helps me relax" or "I like smoking". The reasons to quit tended to be more like, "my health", "my children", or "it costs a lot".

From this experience, I realized that sometimes we need to remember the reason for our goals. "Why do I want to do this?" "What will I lose if I don't do it?" Some answers to the fourth question might be:

• "My health"
• "My confidence in my ability to write"
• "Money"
• "My wife"

This can be very sobering for some goals, but it may just give you the push that you need.

I challenge everyone to ask themselves these four questions. You may come up with multiple answers for several of them. That's perfectly fine. In fact, I would say it's very good.

1. What do I want?
2. What am I willing to do?
3. How far am I willing to go?
4. What do I have to lose?